afternoon shift this week... booo... last week wif rebec... haiz... starting 1st of july i wont be having the same shift wif her... oh god.. i m so sad..

everyday was practically fussing over wat to eat for dinner.. haha.. n i think i ate alot of subways this week.. but it stil taste veri nice haha..

my colleagues pop a question for mi..
if there are two guys.. one veri rich with poor character.. one veri poor but with good character.. which one will i choose?
haha.. seriously i dont know.. but they told mi to choose the one that is rich with poor character..
bcos even guys with good character will bound to change.. only money will not change..
omg.. i nearly fainted when i heard their ans.. but somehow or rather its true la.. muahahha..

ytd night after work.. i went down to zouk.. met up wif jr, his fren, wee, peiqi, her fren n lucas outside.. went in to look for rh n his fren.. the music was not bad tt night.. n the crowd was ok.. n we 3 girls managed to get onto the platform.. i was quite turn off by a girl on the platform.. she started to dirty dance wif mi.. -_-

ok... things happened there again.. i felt his hug after these few mths.. i can feel that he is trying to be close to mi.. i admit i am starting to get playful once again.. i know i just wanna go out play.. but nevertheless, i know i stil have feelings for him.. i melted when he hug mi..

went over his place after tt.. cos his place nearer.. n i ko till this morning.. just in time to go to work..

i keep asking myself if i am doing the right thing..
if this r/s really deserve another chance..
i know i am scared to open myself up to him again..
i know i am tired.. too tired to do anything..
but yet.. my heart is stil with him... damn....

lastly.. my ITS colleagues at east coast ! all drenched wet from the rain.. heee..

Long time since i updated.. cant really remember wat i did for the past few weeks..

I was on morning shift for the past week.. nothing really much happened.. But i think basically i was out for the whole week..

Monday was ot for mi..

Tuesday i went to play pool with my colleagues..

Wednesday was also pool with them.. After which, i went down to town to meet up with lingzi and lyn.. ha! always fun meeting wif the girls.. three of us were shopping n gossiping.. after which, we went down to zouk to meet up with rh, wee, peiqi, cindy, lucas n rh's fren.. alright, the crowd sucks tt night.. too many ppl.. no chance to even get on the platform.. it sucks alright.. i slept less than 2 hrs..

Thursday was a tiring day for mi.. but i stil managed to keep myself alive.. haha.. after work i wanted to go home n rest.. but end up i went bugis shopping with peiqi, jr, rh, wee, spenc, hanz n lingzi.. so mani things i wanna buy!! when i get my pay.. i want to go there shopping !! haha.. after which, we went for a drink at breko.. by the time i reach home it was veri veri late alreadi.. i slept less than 4 hrs.. -_-

Friday, i nearly die at work.. cos i was super tired.. supposed to meet up wif the spenc they all.. but i was too tired... went lot 1 to wait for lucas cos i wanted to get the tent from him.. i was walking round in circles n circles.. decided to sit down at the mrt station to wait for him.. n i actualli fell aslp waiting there.. haha.. we went for dinner n he sent mi home..

Saturday was super slack day at work.. haha.. after which, we went down to tiong bahru to meet up wif jane n have our lunch.. macdonalds !! hee.. i love the curly fries.. took a cab down to east coast cos we going there camping !! idiot lo.. thru out the whole thing, it was raining.. n we bo bian had to stay in the tent.. went night cycling wif rebec.. it was so fun! haha..

Sunday.. since it was raining non stop.. we decided to call it off early.. n i had no where to go !! cos spenc they all were coming over in the afternoon to look for mi.. so i called spen n jr waking both of them up.. haha.. end up i went over to jr place n have a shower.. rh and wee came over n we played mj.. then jerm, peiqi, peisun, edward n lucas came over.. slacked till evening time.. then suddenly all so enthu wanna go blade.. so yea.. i went back to east coast again.. faint..
i took a bike.. n we went to the hawker centre to pig out.. simply delicious can !! wheee...

nice week.. but tiring.. my energy is draining out soon haha.... =)

i m sick today agaain...

went to the docs... he said i have low blood...

n the virus attack was worse than before.. i need alot of rest..

but yet.. my mind is running non-stop.. it doesnt allows mi to rest..


whole day chit-chatting wif rh n wee.. although toking to them sometimes make my blood boil.. but its stil nice to have them beside mi.. =)

rh said i am getting more n more petty now a days.. i know myself.. n i think i realli got to change.. he said it could be due to lucas, tts why i behave tt way.. i dont wan to pin point but i think i should curb my temper for my own good..

n recently, although i am able to deliver good results at work.. ppl are saying i always look in a daze.. strange to say.. i am realli concentrating.. but somehow my mind is drifting away.. i have nv experience such things before.. n i think its scary lehz..

i think its time i really take a good rest from everything.. how i wish i can go into isolation mode.. but i just dont have the heart to throw away my mom, frens and colleagues..

sometimes i just feel that life is being unfair to mi.. i know ppl are facing much worse situation than mi.. but then there are ppl who have everything nice n proper in their life.. sometimes i realli feel like giving up.. u know wat tt means.. but often i told myself.. if there's the way it is.. i will face it bravely.. bcos i always believe that there is bound to be rainbow after the rain..

ppl always ask why am i being so positive.. but they nv know that deep within my heart lies alot of knots that are yet to be untied.. i am just waiting for the right guy to come along n tog we can untie all the knots buried within mi..

till then.. i just need a rest properly to recover from all the sickness i am having.. =)

ciaoz

whoo hoo.. i am at home now.. cos i will be on afternoon shift this whole week.. goodie isnt it.. hee.. but stil i woke up so early.. haha..

saturday i was feeling so so down at work after receiving his msg.. i just couldnt take it.. he actualli go look for other girls to upset mi.. i spoke to spenc abt this.. both of us feel the real reason is he just wan a companion.. such a jerk.. i really dont understand how can someone be so selfish.. he onli tot abt his own feelings.. have he ever tot of mine.. n worse.. tt girl...
i sat inside the toilet for some time.. n i broke down.. I really do feel hurt.. I went back n continued my testings.. Rebec said my eyes gave everything away.. she knows i am feeling veri sad..
anyway.. i stayed wif kk for ot... just the two of us.. n we did all the way till 830.. was so tiring..
I took a cab down to suntec to meet up wif them.. went to catch omen.. actualli the show was not bad.. but the ending realli sucks la hur..
went home after the show.. bcos my dad came home.. n the moment i reached home.. everything started again.. he n his nonsense.. his attitude.. we quarreled.. n i totalli dont give him face... bcos i feel he is really another bastard..
after the commotion.. i realli feel so sian.. really have the urge to call him.. but i told myself i should just let go le.. i dont wanna to be seen as too clingy..

Sunday was supposed to go east coast.. but upon reaching bedok it started to rain.. so went over to jr's hse instead.. dinner was at billy bomers.. the cheese fries was heaven lo! jitao yummi like hell.. haha..

went home n tok to spenc, rh..

i just feel that bcos of his previous r/s.. he had already develop a habit of lying.. yes, at the beginning i was quite unhappi when he keep going to chiong.. but tt was bcos there was no limit at all.. but in the end i told myself i should accept it bcos its part of his lifestyle... n yet, he chose to lie to mi again..

n after all this had happened.. he did not even gave mi a resonable explanation.. he just chose to run away n look for other girls.. i cant help thinking right from the start, mayb i was also another plan of his to upset clyn..

i cant help but to feel unfair.. why? bcos everything tt clyn had done to him... he did it on mi.. tempers just thrown anyhow.. impaitence coming out every now n then.. n the best part is i dont know wat the hell is on his mind.. bcos he just closes himself up...

I admit i do at times get unreasonable.. but when i got angry bcos of wat he did... he in turn got angry too without finding out wats the reason first.. n i have to hong him again.. doesnt tt sounds all so familiar? bcos tts wat it was all abt when he was wif clyn.. I am sorry i cant help comparing my r/s wif hers... bcos i feel he treated her a whole lot better than mi.. when everytime he keep saying how much he love mi more than her.. frens also noticed it.. i just find everything bullshit..
ppl are saying i have given him way too much chance.. he just dont know how to appreciate it...

Things are said n always not done.. he wans a girl to commit but yet he himself cant commit.. yes, i know he dote on mi alot.. but to be frank, i onli felt that its all materialized.. he buys mi things that i want.. i dont want tt to be habit.. bcos i dont wan him to think that the emotional needs can be compensated that way.. n true enough.. i realli dont feel close to him emotionally..

he makes mi feel so shallow n low class.. its like right from the start, he just refuses to acknowledge mi infront of the world.. bcos he is afraid of hurting his previous gf's feelings.. but wat abt mine? i am always on second priority..

n tell mi.. when i go over his place to acc him.. he just went out wif his frens n left mi at his place alone.. i seriously dont mind.. but how mani girls can take it.. not much i think.. i think i have alreadi done my part in maintaining the r/s... but all these takes two hands to clap.. i know no one can ever replace him in my heart.. so i am realli not willing to try a new r/s ever again..

secretly i realli hope he was the same old guy tt i fell for again..

i am feeling damn depressed, upset n fucked up now !!

i just feel he is a jerk and bastard..
really am disappointed..

Though i said i let go of everything.. but this is a super big impact on mi..

ppl said i have totally no feelings already..

n i sat down to think abt all this.. its truly tt way..

i dont why all these is happening to mi.. i realli feel like dying soon.. argh !

I ended everything once and for all.. i hate the feeling of being betrayed or cheated or lied or watever u call it.. things that are going on behind my back are finally seeing some light.. n he didnt even take the effort to explain..

i admit i realli stil do have feelings for him.. but at the same time.. i realli hate him for wat he did.. it just seems to mi that he did not even place this r/s of ours in his heart at all.. so i decided its time to end everything..

no draggy stuffs.. since he had alreadi moved on.. i guess i will too.. and i found out that its not as hard as it seems.. mayb cos i was too numb abt wat was going on betw us..

the past few weeks were realli veri fun.. mayb i am just trying to get myself occupied.. i have been out every single day.. returning home just to slp.. n i havent seen my mom for quite some time.. i just dont know how to ans her if she asks..

But i am getting on quite well.. to be honest i think its a long time i have ever felt so carefree and happi.. i love my job.. i love my colleagues.. i love my frens.. i love my mom.. in fact, i feel i am fortunate..

I definitely need some time to take a break n to forget him.. I know i will stil miss him some how or another.. but i just dont wish to see him ever again..

gonna start blogging normally.. no more of all those sad stuffs abt him.. everything shall be deleted away..

I just want to stay happy.. I want to be able to ogle at guys openly.. I want to be able to go dating with different guys.. I want to be able to have time for all my frens..

So no more of him.. or whatever guys tt come along..